May 9, 2006

Loss and coping

Its getting harder and harder to deal with the loss. I have so far been able to partition off most of my feelings and not deal with them but that is not going to last for long. The shell I have created gets thinner each day and I am afraid that once the sadness escapes it will be overwhelming.

I have too many things to do and too much to keep straight to let it win, at least right now. When it is finally over, I will grieve. Harder and longer than I can imagine right now.

I have to go, the tears are welling and I have to wait with those.

May 5, 2006

TIme to rest

The Monarch. I had no idea this place existed 6 days ago. Now it is my favorite building in Lincoln. Finally, my mother is in a place she feels safe and peaceful and can rest.

I feel like a great weight has lifted, and a burden put down. I also feel like I have been vindicated of every crappy thing I said or did in one swoop - I have helped make her happy in her most dire time of need.

I can rest too.