Dec 30, 2006
Dec 24, 2006
We visited Mom today...
She always did her best for us on Christmas. Sometimes it wasn't easy, but she gave it her all. I remember as a small kid she had some old glass ornaments and as I got older she used gold and red. The stuff we used reminded me of her, and how she would mark the ornaments for the kids with their name and the year.
Merry Christmas Mom, we love you.
Dec 19, 2006
MY NEXT ROAD BIKE WILL BE AN INTENSE! Their mountain bikes, like the Spyder, are awesome.
Intense Cycles has re-launched their website www.intensecycles.com. The new site boasts easier navigation and more information about Intense and their products. All 2007 Intense bikes are now online including their brand new line of road bikes, which includes the Fenix C2 (carbon fiber frame and fork) and Carbine (Easton EA-6 mainframe, EA-CNT carbon rear and EA-SLX fork).
Dec 16, 2006
Not much news here lately. Bank trials are done, finally. Christmas is coming, quickly, and I haven't shopped one bit.
Merrit and Kristin are coming back which is the best present I could get.
Otherwise, I am just trying to not get fat. Working out a lot, lifting probably too much though. Need to back off on the upper body stuff in order to lose some weight by spring. 195-200 is my goal, hopefully I can get there.
Nov 27, 2006
Kaitlyn is the cutest! This is Thanksgiving with Grandpa Jim. Wish I could have been there. I was playing with my cousin's son who is about that age and they are so much fun. Hopefully soon!
Hopefully, Christmas will be as kind and I can enter the new year without my customary full-sized spare tire.
Nov 21, 2006
Oct 25, 2006
Oct 22, 2006
The song was a partially acoustical number, building to the end. The lead singer, who could have been Billy Corigan’s twin, caught me with what appeared to be some deep intensity. I listened until some of the lyrics caught my ear. Then I wished I had fallen asleep early.
This song as been haunting me, and has brought a ton of repressed feelings out to the forefront. I have been trying to keep the lid on my emotions about a lot of things, my Mom included, only opening the lid for a few minutes until it overcomes me and I close the lid again. Kind of like smelling ammonia: you can only do it for so long before it overcomes you.
Between Mom and some other personal problems, I have had a hard last few months. I can usually keep a handle on it, but since last night I have been a basket case. I know it will get better.
Actually, I am glad I heard the song. It has helped put some feelings into words, and made me realize others feel as badly as I do. I still catch myself wanting to call her, but she isn’t there to call. I have never felt alone in all this, but I have been afraid to let my guard down. This has helped some. Maybe it will help you too.
If you could get me a drink
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt marieHelp her gather all my things
And bury me In all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still, I will not kiss you,
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.
Now turn away,
Cause I’m awful just to see
Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body,
All my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go. I
t just ain’t living
And I just hope you know,
That if you say, Good-bye today,
I’d ask you to be true,
Cause the hardest part of this, I
s leaving you…
Cause the hardest part of death,
Is leaving you…
Video on You Tube.
1. Mitchel - October 23, 2006
I plan on writing something shortly, I just can’t put it together at the moment.
2. Mitchel - October 23, 2006
It’s been a weird past few months. Just when you kind of think you can deal with it, it creeps in on ya and makes you think about the whole thing again. The things that really stand out in my mind a lot of the times, besides the fact that we will never talk face to face with her again, is when we were woken up at whatever time it was and then our goodbye at the funeral home. This last year was such a roller coaster ride for both of us for some of the same reasons and for some different reasons, we should be proud that we made it out with most of our sanity in tact. Every happy moment was met with a bit of hesitation or dose of reality leading up to mom’s death. No matter how much fun I might have had at a concert or with something Kaytlin did, there was always that thought of mom and her cancer.
But now we must move forward like mom would want us to. Never forget just keep her with us and move forward. I also want to keep the relationship with you and your family that was reborn out of this situation moving in the direction it is. I think that would make mom happy and it would continue to fill a void that was left with her death.
Alright, I’d better get back to work.
Sep 20, 2006
arrested to really want to start anything but apparently that didn’t bother them but I did manage to get a good hold of one of their sacks and squeeze for all I was worth. Pricks. Cops were really great there, and at least two of them went to jail.
Took at few good shots to the head and didn’t go down, but if it had lasted much longer who knows what would have happened. There were four of them, maybe for them it was a fair fight. Fuck them.
1. Mitchel - September 21, 2006
Biker Bitches! They were probably gay and wanted to you to grab all their sacks! LOL
Sep 13, 2006
Sep 10, 2006
Saturday violated this 15 year old for drug usage and he decided he wasn’t going to jail. When it was all done he said he thought I weighed 500 pounds. I supposed his 6′1″ 150 pounds vs my 5′10 220 pounds made it feel that way, especially when I was sitting on him. Shouldn’t have done what he did and he wouldn’t have had to see how much I weighed. Too bad for him.
Oh well, going to Vegas this week for four days, staying at the Aladdin. Should be a great time.
Raining here so no riding, damm it all to blood sucking puss spewing hell.
1. Mitchel - September 11, 2006
Nicole got to daycare on Friday and Kaytlin was sleeping on her stomach. I had told her what you said and she was really freaked out about it.
Violated, like Family Guy prostate exam “Violated” or busted “Violated”?
Have a good trip!
2. Jon - September 11, 2006
Violated, like going to jail violated. He managed to make one of the other deputies so mad at the jail he almost got the Brock Samson finger up his own butt treatment.
Sep 6, 2006
Rolling Rock - mellow, with a little bite. Very little. Too much gives me a hangover.
Grolsch - tasty, has a real beer flavor.
Budweiser - straight from the clydesdale. Gross
Bud Light - straight from a dieting clydesdale. Not so gross, just not so good.
Busch lite - just beer. might as well be plain label.
Corona - good, but needs lime. there are better
Carta Blanca - darn good beer
Dos XX laer - also darn good
Guiness - after the first 2 -3, darn tasty.
Red Stripe - the first one I had tasted like ass. After that it grew on me.
Pacifico - darn good beer
Beck’s - darn good beer
Sam Adams - beer on steroids. All flavors, almost too much for me.
Miller Hi Life - borders on skunky, good colon cleanser.
Amstel Lite - one of my fav’s
Feel free to add yours…
1. Mitchel - September 7, 2006
Black Label Beer - Best Beer farts - bad flavor
Schmidt Big Mouth Bottles - good - best entertainment for the dollar in high school (best for throwing at signs)
Mickey Big Mouth Bottles - good - entertaining as well (something about the big mouth, better velocity)
Heineken - not sure what peoples fascination is with this one - tastes skunky to me
Newcastle Brown Ale - second only to Guiness
2. Jon - September 7, 2006
Miller High Life mini bottles - same as above only more fun to throw out of window - they bounce
Schlitz - ack, but a good nostalgic ack. 12 pack box looks good on your head.
Pabst Blue Ribbon - Nasty.
Fat Tire - loved it until I drank so much I hurled. Don’t like it so much now.
Michelob Ultra - ok, nothing special.
Michelob - used to love it. Drank now only if I want to enjoy a headache the next day.
3. Mitchel - September 7, 2006
Meister Brau - Holds a special place in my heart, right up there with Black Label. Also helped me get out of trouble w/ Decker.
OE 800 - only in 64 oz is it worth the purchase. Problem is it is usually really warm by the time you are done, but by then you have a good buzz. For those nights you want to be ghetto.
Sam Adams Creme Stout - very fine beer as well
Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout - very strong - 1 maybe 2 is plenty. Then guiness seems like a light beer.
4. Mitchel - September 7, 2006
Yuengling - good for a change in flavor but not for all night
5. Jon - September 7, 2006
Negra Modelo - one of my personal fav’s
Leinenkugel’s Red - ok, red, different, nothing special
Boulevard Wheat - so-so, needs lemon to take the bite off, but who wants lemony beer?
Harp - Irish. Beer. Good.
6. Jon - September 9, 2006
Bass - just enough edge to remond you its British, really good. Kinda strong alcohol wize.
7. Jon - September 9, 2006
Lone Star - thought it was cool til I tried it, then thought it was nasty
Coors Light - was that beer or tan water?
8. Jon - September 19, 2006
Blue Moon - really good, smooth
Pilsner Uriquidel - good, different
Sep 5, 2006
Still waiting for the guy who, as I was dragging him out, said that he get me the next day. Should have made it easy and gave him my address. Ah, the joys of private security. Not as many rules and law enforcement.
Anyway, Maskenthine was great, rode like my life depended on it and left hurting. It was sweet.
1. Mitchel - September 6, 2006
Your “My Ride Routes” is cool! Do you just plug in plots on the map?
2. Jon - September 6, 2006
Yes, you just draw it on. Or you can import it from a GPS device. Which I don’t have. Yet.
I am moving most of my posts to cedge100.wordpress.com Check me out there.
Aug 28, 2006
First a header while trying to cross the log pile. Then a complete wipeout on the next lap going into hidden valley.
That was enough. I went home and drowned my sorrows in a Beck’s and some lasagna.
Jul 5, 2006
Jun 21, 2006
Ack. Oh well.
Today is the day the loonies have come out. On Rescue Me last night Tommy got a series of phone calls from all the women in his life, all call waiting calls. He commented on it being crazy b***ch phone call day. That is what it is like here today.
Had an investigation dropped on me, and knew I wouldn't have time to do it. Ordinarily I would have come unglued and throw some sort of fit. Today I went screw this, someone else do it. I felt bad for a second, then breathed a sigh of relief.
Then went back to the powerpoint thingy.
Jun 3, 2006
I find myself missing her but in a strange way. I want to see her and wish she was still here but I don't ever feel she is gone. I was crippled by sorrow the day I locked her apartment for good but it was more for myself and the loss of the safety of her home.
Last night I sat and thought about her, and realized that she isn't gone. I can still see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch. She will always be here, always with me, and in that way, she will never be gone.
I can live with that.
Back to work and into the frying pan. I have worked myself into a position that I think I like. I get most of the dirty and nasty or high profile "gonna make someone's life change" cases. Its fun but by the same token its heavy. I get the feeling some people think that when I get involved its a mess, and I am going to fix it. Sort of like The Cleaner in Pulp Fiction. I like it though, I don't get bothered a lot, I get a lot of what I want, and I am trusted to keep quiet and do a good job.
I don't want to do that forever, and just for 8 hours at a time. The rest of my life is family, friends, and bikes now. And I am determined to make them a priority. I think Mom would like that.
May 9, 2006
I have too many things to do and too much to keep straight to let it win, at least right now. When it is finally over, I will grieve. Harder and longer than I can imagine right now.
I have to go, the tears are welling and I have to wait with those.
May 5, 2006
I feel like a great weight has lifted, and a burden put down. I also feel like I have been vindicated of every crappy thing I said or did in one swoop - I have helped make her happy in her most dire time of need.
I can rest too.
Apr 26, 2006
Since then she has undergone chemo treatments and had several major surgeries. Her prognosis is not good.
It is really hard, taking care of my mom. It guess that is the way it is supposed to be, kids taking care of their parents, but it sucks. She deserves all I can do, but I'm not very good at it, and its not fair to her.