Jun 22, 2006
Jun 21, 2006
Into the Fire
Good grief! I seem to have gotten myself into a situation here. Trying to put together a powerpoint thing to present Friday. It has grown to take on a life of its own. The more I add the more it needs.
Ack. Oh well.
Today is the day the loonies have come out. On Rescue Me last night Tommy got a series of phone calls from all the women in his life, all call waiting calls. He commented on it being crazy b***ch phone call day. That is what it is like here today.
Had an investigation dropped on me, and knew I wouldn't have time to do it. Ordinarily I would have come unglued and throw some sort of fit. Today I went screw this, someone else do it. I felt bad for a second, then breathed a sigh of relief.
Then went back to the powerpoint thingy.
Ack. Oh well.
Today is the day the loonies have come out. On Rescue Me last night Tommy got a series of phone calls from all the women in his life, all call waiting calls. He commented on it being crazy b***ch phone call day. That is what it is like here today.
Had an investigation dropped on me, and knew I wouldn't have time to do it. Ordinarily I would have come unglued and throw some sort of fit. Today I went screw this, someone else do it. I felt bad for a second, then breathed a sigh of relief.
Then went back to the powerpoint thingy.
Jun 3, 2006
I'm back
Well, at least part of me is. Back to normal - "The new normal" as Kandy and I put it. After totally immersing myself into the last of Mom's life I am finally starting to come to grips with this new normal.
I find myself missing her but in a strange way. I want to see her and wish she was still here but I don't ever feel she is gone. I was crippled by sorrow the day I locked her apartment for good but it was more for myself and the loss of the safety of her home.
Last night I sat and thought about her, and realized that she isn't gone. I can still see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch. She will always be here, always with me, and in that way, she will never be gone.
I can live with that.
Back to work and into the frying pan. I have worked myself into a position that I think I like. I get most of the dirty and nasty or high profile "gonna make someone's life change" cases. Its fun but by the same token its heavy. I get the feeling some people think that when I get involved its a mess, and I am going to fix it. Sort of like The Cleaner in Pulp Fiction. I like it though, I don't get bothered a lot, I get a lot of what I want, and I am trusted to keep quiet and do a good job.
I don't want to do that forever, and just for 8 hours at a time. The rest of my life is family, friends, and bikes now. And I am determined to make them a priority. I think Mom would like that.
I find myself missing her but in a strange way. I want to see her and wish she was still here but I don't ever feel she is gone. I was crippled by sorrow the day I locked her apartment for good but it was more for myself and the loss of the safety of her home.
Last night I sat and thought about her, and realized that she isn't gone. I can still see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch. She will always be here, always with me, and in that way, she will never be gone.
I can live with that.
Back to work and into the frying pan. I have worked myself into a position that I think I like. I get most of the dirty and nasty or high profile "gonna make someone's life change" cases. Its fun but by the same token its heavy. I get the feeling some people think that when I get involved its a mess, and I am going to fix it. Sort of like The Cleaner in Pulp Fiction. I like it though, I don't get bothered a lot, I get a lot of what I want, and I am trusted to keep quiet and do a good job.
I don't want to do that forever, and just for 8 hours at a time. The rest of my life is family, friends, and bikes now. And I am determined to make them a priority. I think Mom would like that.
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