Well, at least part of me is. Back to normal - "The new normal" as Kandy and I put it. After totally immersing myself into the last of Mom's life I am finally starting to come to grips with this new normal.
I find myself missing her but in a strange way. I want to see her and wish she was still here but I don't ever feel she is gone. I was crippled by sorrow the day I locked her apartment for good but it was more for myself and the loss of the safety of her home.
Last night I sat and thought about her, and realized that she isn't gone. I can still see her face, hear her voice, and feel her touch. She will always be here, always with me, and in that way, she will never be gone.
I can live with that.
Back to work and into the frying pan. I have worked myself into a position that I think I like. I get most of the dirty and nasty or high profile "gonna make someone's life change" cases. Its fun but by the same token its heavy. I get the feeling some people think that when I get involved its a mess, and I am going to fix it. Sort of like The Cleaner in Pulp Fiction. I like it though, I don't get bothered a lot, I get a lot of what I want, and I am trusted to keep quiet and do a good job.
I don't want to do that forever, and just for 8 hours at a time. The rest of my life is family, friends, and bikes now. And I am determined to make them a priority. I think Mom would like that.